What I've Learned from My Spideys

For my 28th birthday I got an array of unconventional gifts (which I totally loved!). My bestest friends in the world must have had a meeting where the topic of discussion was "What in the Hell do we get that little prick?! If he wants something he gets it! Even worse, if you get the little bastard something he doesn't like he may throw it at you."

This being said - Natalie got me a hilarious voodoo doll. It came with instructions from her sassy fiance, Josh about what/who I could and could not use it on. Fine print be damned, I'm using it on who needs it most (anyone I catch wearing flip-flops in Denver anytime between October and April)

Matty, knowing me better than most, took me to Breckenridge for Oktoberfest. Commemorative beer steins, public drunkenness, and more spätzel, knödel, and bratwurst than I can shake a schnitzel at!

Little Zahra, my craziest Persian friend, took the high road and got me a set of tattoo flash glassware instead of the standard rug I'm sure she weaves for less than intimate friends. Woo hoo!

Then there's my . . . unique friend, Patrick. Patrick surprised me with an infestation. 4 Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches, and 2 Tarantulas. The tarantulas are little baby spiderlings still. There's a Rose hair named Ghia and a Tucson blonde named Cronos. I've taken quite a shine to these little guys because they've helped me realize that my life isn't so bad. They're actually quite good little teachers - and here's what I've learned from them!

1. It's absolutely okay to demand a warm environment at all times. Warm is good! That's why people take vacations to the Caribbean. You never here anyone say "I have some vacation time coming up. I can't wait to see Minneapolis-St. Paul!"

2. Eat when you're hungry! I'm really good at this one. I'm a big fan of eating myself into a food coma only t

o follow it up with going for a month on coffee alone. My metabolism may hate my guts, but it just doesn't understand that I'm following nature's path. Take THAT waistline!!

3. Being docile is okay, but reserve the right to bite. Hehe - especially to potential mates. Another skill I'm pretty good at.

4. Don't do Physics homework. Okay - this one may be a stretch. But I challenge you - when was the last time you saw a spider trying to figure out a protractor. (That's right. Score

one for Chad)