Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Security, in deposit form

Hi, I'm Matt, I will be sharing this blog authorship with my best friend Chad.

Have you ever been at home alone so long that you start to have real conversations with your pets? Sure I can call family - they are at work, or I can call one of those late might date lines - that'll go over well with my spouse. So easier to just talk to the animals. I figure we as pet owners go through years and years of feeding, bathing, walking, and scooping, we might as well get something else in return.

For example: I have 3 small dogs and 2 cats, that's a lot of work. I figure that between the 5 of them, one of them (or a team) could figure out how to make me dinner once in a while. I ask Olive, my 1 year-old wiener dog if she wouldn't mind throwing together a simple meat loaf, salad and mashed potato dinner (like the one you'd always see in a Garfield comic strip). Once a year, that's all I'm asking. I mean if dogs can be trained to sniff out illegal drugs in a high school, why not train them to make creme brulee, or do the dishes?

Or I ask my cat Oreo if he wouldn't mind giving me a full-body massage for once - I pet him everyday, think he cold return the favor? No, he would rather shred the woodwork in my crappy rental condo. So much for the deposit.

I guess this is what I get for being out of a job, home alone, talking to my pets. Look on the bright side, I haven't started to talk to the furniture yet.


  1. haha! Maybe you should start employing good old fashioned ultimatums. "Okay, I'll make your din din, but first you have to vaccuum. No food until this carpet is clean."
    (And this? I why I should NEVER be a parent)