Thursday, January 20, 2011

If I were a betting man . . .

If I were a betting man I'd be living in the gutter eating my own shoes.

This is because evidently I don't have good bettin' instincts.

Case in point:

about 21 minutes ago my brilliant and gorgeous cousin, Melissa sent me a video for a PSA about testicular cancer. I watched it and thought I'd bet anything that this is a bad SNL skit or something . . . Nay nay. In fact, it is a legitimate PSA (one of many) made by CBScares and aired during 60 minutes.

Let's watch!
video

60 fucking minutes aired this. Did the CEO of CBS recently suffer a stroke? Recently as in while they were pitching this idea?!?!

"Hey guys! You know what's coming up? Valentines Day! And I don't know what says Valentine's Day like a testicular exam!"

As hilarious as I think it is I don't think it was done very well. The marketing people at CBS need some schoolin' from yours truly.

How exactly is grabbing your nuts to check for lumps better for your significant other than a diamond? I think that they should be aiming towards the idea of spending Valentine's Day performing exams on each other!

She gives you a testicular exam - you give her a breast exam!

This could be made into a whole series!!

*Ahem* Marketing people . . . you. are. welcome.

Best Friends: Check each other for scoliosis. Routine exams are the backbone of true friendship!

First Dates: Check eachother for cavities and/or early signs of gum disease. Let them know they're the only sweetie you put in your mouth.

Valentines Day: See above

1 Year Anniversary: Pap smears for your partners. There's one sure fire way to show you love her for what's on the inside.

10 Year Anniversary: Prostate Exam. Give him a gift he'll never forget.

The slogans write themselves!

Better than that - if relationships last long enough you'll probably be the most healthy person on the planet!

Of course - you always risk losing your partner once you utter the words "Honey, I got you something better than a diamond this Valentine's Day. I got you the family jewels."

Trust me - I think I've ended relationships this way.

Except I wasn't refereing to having just given myself a testicular exam exactly . . .

5 comments:

  1. A.mazing! I may have just tinkled a little!

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  2. Bwahahahaha, thank you for posting this. I first saw the same douch giving a PSA on Pap Smears for Christmas in December of 2009 so that tells you how long CBS has been doing this. There's so many bad PSA'a and I knew you could tell them how to fix their marketing.

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  3. Chadeleh! Again, you've made me laugh out loud in the middle of the UMC. people are looking at my funny... I feel awkward.

    And hey! Why does anyone have to wait 10 years for a prostate exam? Hahahaha!!!

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  4. J Hart, now you know what i go through having a computer job which does not block my access to this site! Chadly, i don't flatter you when i say you will be bigger than Chris Crocker some day (forgive me, he's not fit to check you for lice!)! But seriously, nothing short of magnificent!

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  5. ok, i had to wait till my office-mate left the room to watch that video, and i thought you were kidding! holy shit dude, that's funny shit!

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