Monday, January 17, 2011

Junk Mail

I have recently been working on my finances. More specifically I have decided to solve the mystery of I make a decent living so how can I possibly be broke ALL THE TIME?

Answers keep popping up and I have a beautiful example. My email address at is ending soon and to renew it (like I always do) is $100.

$100! For a service I can get for FREE through gmail - which I totally do now. But I need to be sure I don't lose anything in my switch . . . other than my mind.

Sooooo I've been going through all of my email folders to see if there's anything important. I've found a few things. Among them is the realization that I abuse the email system with . . . well . . . strange things.

Luckily I don't send to the masses, but generally to a couple of people. Which pretty much means Matt.

Here is a little sampling of what Matt's inbox looks like. So sit back and enjoy!

From: Chaddy

Date: May 14, 2010 8:46:27 AM

To: Matty

Subject: I came downstairs today...

To An upset back yard. When they told the butcher they wanted the head

cut off they assumed he would throw it away. But he included it and

now it has to be thrown in a ditch.

I've never seen "dispose of pig head" on a wedding to-do list before.

A pig head.

Mississippi is f*ed up!


From: Chaddy

Date: May 08, 2010 1:31:26 PM

To: Matty

Subject: My rental car

The guy says "I've got an HHR for ya"

And I'm like "what is that? Some kind of form?"


From: Chaddy

Date: April 04, 2010 8:54:43 AM

To: Matty ,Lindsey

Subject: Hero Bee (Beero?)

So last summer when I was collecting feral bees with Patrick he got

stung by one

(very funny)

(and kind of sad)

(but mostly just funny)

So I stumbled upon the bee that stung his ho ass and performed it's

necropsy last night.

Poor bee.

See all the entrails dangling out of her stinger hole?

At least she went down in a blaze of glory. Teehee.


From: Chaddy

Date: March 31, 2008 3:16:50 PM

To: Matty

Subject: Squid

The whole time I was doing this I was thinking "I'll never question

matt's weird class assignments again! Just make the smell go away!!"

So if you ever question why you have to make a radio out of a rock-

remember that I wonder why I have to know the gonads of a squid by


(its #5 by the way)


And now for my personal favorite example of the grave importance of my email correspondence:

From: Chaddy

To: Matty, Zahra

Date: March 02, 2009 09:45:16 AM MST

Subject: my morning is full of laughing at the GIS students

wuttup homie?

So - because i'm bored and the only thing keeping me from going to starbucks is that i'm also lazy. (i'm totally allowing myself to go though . . . i haven't gone since last week!) I'm going to give you a play by play of my morning.

1:00 AM

Go to bed after watching hilarious (only to me) episodes of Ren & Stimpy with Heather, followed by Last Holiday with Queen Latifah. *Do you think She and LL Cool J got into a 90s "hip-hop off" on the set? I really hope so.*

6:19 AM

Hate Zahra for sending me text messages regarding a voicemail I left her yesterday. Not even an important voicemail! I just called to tell her that Bob called me while he was taking a dump and told me about it (yes, i hung up)

8:02 AM decide to schlep my way to the bathroom. hate my bladder, still hate zahra a little more.

8:04 AM turn on Sex and the City playlist on my iPod, because showering just seems easier with Cheryl Lynn gargling about how I got to be real!! Also, doesn't everyone feel like they look amazing when getting dressed to fergie?! Let's hope so, my cold sore looks like a plate of italian nachos.

8:15 AM

Open bedroom door to let Sabrina out - accidentally let Heather in. Dancing Heather. uuuuggghhhh. i'm assuming she remembered something important she had to do and THATS why she scurried away - not because of the look i shoot ANYONE who dances into my room before I've had coffee.

8:30 AM

Heather shows off her "earrings" (read: gallstones with hooks) to me. how can someone have such little self awareness??

8:31 AM

Make fun of heather's gallstone earrings. kindly recommend she find another pair.

8:32 AM

Heather refuses to find another pair - she thinks they look GOOOOD! While telling me how she has way better taste than me (really? you're wearing what appears to be an old halloween ninja costume) she accidentally drops a gallstone earring down the sink that i forgot to put the stopper in.

8:33 AM

While telling heather that Lord God, Creator of the Heavens and Earth, ALSO thinks those earrings are heinous I secretly thank Zahra in my head. Several days ago when I asked her if i should put the stopper for the sink in she replied "why?! No!! What are they going to be doing in there? spa facials?! leave it alone so we can go to sonic!"

Zahra is forgiven for stupid text message this morning.

8:45 AM

walk into every room of house with no intent. just bored.

8:50 AM

still bored

8:55 AM

still bored

9:00 AM

remember how Bob wants to borrow my scooter. don't want to let him. how to say no?? hmmmm

9:01 AM

get sidetracked and move from thinking about Bob to thinking about cupcakes. (Do I have a secret stash in the kitchen????)

9:02 AM

HALLELUJAH!! Secret cupcake (and there's more where that came from) in tow, I shuffle to the computer to check if my professor emailed me to tell me that class is cancelled.

9:04 AM


9:05 AM

read some weird email addressed to science and technology students. "That's Me and Matt!! Squeeee!"

It's about some rally to conceive of green ways of living. Science and technology suck. Are we the only departments that are hounded by this? At least I get to giggle about the two examples of science and technology majors in my head are also the two biggest contributers that I know to CFCs in the air from classic car (way better than hybrid) pollution. If driving our amazing vehicles is so wrong then why are we exempt from tailpipe emissions bitches?! wooooo!!!

9:07 AM

decide that Matt HAS to read this email! OF COURSE he'll think it's as funny/ironic as i do!!

Matt will probably delete it immediately - I'll copy and paste it in my own email! (seen below). . . .


>Attention all science and technology majors!! Here is your opportunity to hear about sustainable and alternative practices in your field.

>Speakers from Colorado Conservation Trust, SWCA Environmental Consultants, and Colorado School of Mines will be discussing topics such as creative solutions in environmental management with GIS and fuel cell technology research in the Front Range.


>FREE Food and Refreshments


>March 4th 2009 Science 138 11:30-1 pm


>Hosted by Metro State Environmental Science Organization &

>The GIS Club of Metro State

9:37 AM

did i really just spend a half hour relating my uneventful morning to a more than likely unimpressed bubeleh? yeah, i guess i did. But I got me a cupcake bitches!!!!

see ya soon


1 comment:

  1. Ahahahaha! Oh how I miss those emails! Good thing I have your blogs now!