I nearly witnessed a death today.
Was I scared? Yes.
Did I love it? Totally!
Picture it: Starbucks. 4 hours ago. This awful woman comes barreling in with an empty cup and a full figure.
While I was awaiting my wonderful green tea my friend Karen re-greeted the heinous big-assed woman.
Karen: Uh oh! Was something wrong with your drink?
Jabba: Yeah. I spilled it on the floor of my truck.
Karen: Oh, no! Let's get you another one!!
Sweet Karen turned around to throw away the cup and get another when the biggun' squealed
Jabba: NO!! I wanted you to RE-USE that cup!
Karen: Oh, that's okay. I can get you a new one that hasn't been on the floor.
Even though Karen is being very sweet, the snow cow is still ready to burst a greasy artery in her neck.
Jabba: I hate waste
(Yeah, lady. We can see that.)
Karen: Well, if you can waste a drink I can waste the cup!
(I couldn't decide if I should give Karen a mental high five or a lap dance in the middle of the store.)
Jabba: But the cup isn't biodegradable.
Shut. Up. Bitch.
Maybe preach about conservation when A) the person you're acting snide towards isn't doing you a favor by replacing a drink that you couldn't keep in the meat hook you call a hand and B) when I'm not angry with the environment for trying to bury me alive in snow.
I give presentations every day at work (with a microphone and EVERYTHING!) about conservation and protecting the environment. You know who I don't need a lecture from? This woman that looks like John Candy tooling around in her big rig.
Because I was sure Karen was distraught (after all - it probably sunk in that global warming is all her fault) Chelsea and I decided we should make a snowman on Karen's behalf to protest global warming.
With the snowman acting as our "Global Warming Sucks" reminder the biggun' can drop the stick up her ass and pick up a glazed ham . . . I know she's been wanting to . . .