Monday, April 5, 2010

Chad's Paternal Instincts?

Awful Girl: What would happen if I catch a butterfly?
Chad: You will probably cry
Awful Girl: How come?
Chad: Because I will hit you

Okay - this didn't exactly happen at work - but it makes me smile?

Is that wrong?

I hope you don't think so, because you'll probably be upset to learn that it is my secret ambition to become the Hannibal Lector of The Butterfly Pavilion.

Not in terms of eating people - but remember in Silence of the Lambs when Hannibal Lector is heard whispering to "multiple Miggs" in the cell next to him and Miggs crying until he choked on his own tongue?

Why can't I have that power? Hee hee.

I just got giddy again.

Don't think that I hate all children - just stupid ones. Well, and sticky ones. And screamy ones.

In fact - for every kid I want to shove in a crate and ship to an island that will use them as sacrifices - there's probably three that I love to death.

I have come up with this ratio based on yesterday at work

1 awful girl: In a sing-songy manner showed me what she learned at school - R-A-P-E, get the heck away from me. This bitch? I hate.

3 adorable triplets: Suzie, a woman from Boulder comes in frequently. The woman has triplets and is in desperate need of a break. So whenever she comes in I take her ADORABLE litter away with me where we can have fun and give Suzie a break. My paternal instincts are there, but have to be coaxed out with cuteness.

Like yesterday, the triplets (who are about 3 or 4) wanted to smell Angel's Trumpet blossoms. I hoisted each one up into the air and let them stand on my shoulders so they could smell the upside down flowers. . . that happen to have a hallucinogenic nectar. . .

Hey, I said I loved little kids - I didn't say I was well-practiced.


  1. Didn't you tell me the horticulturists have to go home and sleep it off if that nectar gets in their eye? Yep, your as good as the octomom when it comes to parental instincts. Hugs!!!

  2. at least you didn't let pitcher plant juice get in their eye. . . Cyclops the Avenger will blast you with octal pus and terrify you with asymmetry!! Muoohahaha