Friday, January 7, 2011

Temperence Brennen is a fucking liar.

For years now Matt has been talking about this 'Bones' show. I've never really cared to watch it - which means I really don't care to hear about it.

I totally do it too, so I'm a hypocrit - but let's get past this and focus on what really needs to be said: If you find a program interesting you will never translate that interest to others by telling them episode plots.

The only way to get someone to love a show with you is to get them to watch it. And the best way to get them to watch it is to get them to feel like they NEED to watch it at least once. The best way to do this? In my case - tell me I remind you of someone on the show.

This has never been a compliment to me. I've been compared to people on tv before and it never fails to anger me. So after years of Matt telling me "so last night on Bones . . . " or "Gina and I were watching Bones . . ." and my just hearing white noise after that my need to see it was finally activated by my horrible friend Josh who spent like three minutes telling me that I'm like someone he referred to as the "bug and slime guy".

I kind of already hate this.

A) oh good. Yet another time that my job has people seeing me as a 2-dimensional bug-loving character. I never NEVER get sick of that. Way to make me feel like there's othing to my life besides a respect for arthropods Josh. I hope I never get fired because I'll have nothing to live for. People will probably see me wandering street corners in ratty clothes looking for rolly pollys (which are technically crustaceans . . .)

B) even though Josh claims this was a compliment - perhaps he needs to read "Chad's Guide to Compliment Giving" that I posted on October 31st of 2009

ANYWAY - so thank goodness Bones is available on my instant Netflix so that I was able to immediately see this person who is just like me.

He is so ugly.

Also, he is a complete a-hole. I don't understand why anyone can stand him. He's snide and that's about it. I suppose he's smart, but he's not funny or charming or anything. He's just a douche that's always cranky. HE is a two dimensional character.

And he is so ugly.

Lets face it - compare me to anyone you want and no matter how painful they are to watch, it won't bother me at all compared to saying I remind you of some ugly guy.

Josh doesn't think he's ugly.

But Josh was backpedaling methinks.

Aside from Hodgins (the ugly bug and slime guy) I kind of dislike several aspects of the show. I dislike the two main characters (P.S. Zooey Deschanel TOTALLY got the looks in the family). I find it a little far fetched that these people are stumbling across decayed remains like all the time. At what point are they going to realize "hey, we seem to stumble upon a lot, I mean a LOT of human remains by accident. Maybe we should start hanging out somewhere else"

The thing that bothers me the most is the lab. Their beautiful lab that looks like a cross between the main entrance to the Louvre and an Ikea. No one has a lab that looks like that. NO ONE.

Hospitals don't even look tht clean and sterile.

Temperence Brennen? You and your lab are a big fat lie. LIE!!

So here's my official opinion of the show Bones:

I think it's phenomenal. Am I going to watch every season? Yes! I love the science behind everything, I love the plot lines, and most importantly I love Zack (word on the street is that after a couple seasons he goes into an insane asylum because he was found to be a serial killer apprentice. Thanks for ruining my favorite character on my new favorite show)

So thank you Josh.

But next time we want to get me to watch a show I've never seen, lets not compare me to someone with bug eyes and a fro . . .


4 comments:

  1. Bah!

    You have a response sir...

    And BAH!

    LOVE YOU!!!

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  2. That's the response I get? I said I liked it!

    Some people are so sensitive.

    (Can you imagine what he'd be doing if I said he looked like Dr. Bugly, like he did to me?)
    (Probably comfort eating + rape shower + loud sobbing.)
    (at the same time)

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  3. I just watched all of seasons 4 and 5. Damn you Netflix, I'm seriously getting nothing done!

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  4. This is your editor saying in paragraph marked A), there is a typo ("Nothing" starts with an "n") and after talking about their lab, "hospitals . . . look [THAT] clean and sterile" . . .this isn't like you, you must be upset about something?
    They must be wandering around the backyard of the Body Farm in Indiana (or is it in Tennessee?). There's a big yard in one of those terrifying southern states which has bodies in different stages and situations of decay; people can actually donate their bodies to science in this way so we can study the effects of the elements on our detrivous end (think i just made that word up, but you know what i mean). Either way, I was studying to be a forensic anthropologist, so people would talk to me about Bones a lot. I am biased and loathsome towards hour-long drama series so I've never seen it, but i will say i have met NOBODY who reminds me of you, you're ONE OF A KIND!

    ReplyDelete