Monday, November 23, 2009

A Quick, Frostbitten Rant

Before I run out to revel in the fact that I have no class today I have to get this out of my system . . . otherwise I've hit the point where 1 beer will make me explode on someone - and not in the hot way.

Flip flops, people. Flip flops. No fucking more.

Today I was at the mall and I saw a girl in FLIP FLOPS! This? is fucking Colorado people and we happen to be experiencing what I call NOVEMBER. How is it possible that some one - some people - can realize "shit, it's cold enough for me to need a coat, but Goddamn, I'm still wearing flip flops."

If you're one of these people, then I'm sorry - but either your mother was a big fan of pixie dust when you were in the womb and you need psychiatric care - or you're trying to say to the rest of the world "I've given up, shitheads"

These are the only two explanations. #1 I'm a moron. #2 I am going out of my way to dump-up my appearance.

What is so hard about shoes that you need these instead? I reiterate. We do not live on the beach. This is fucking Colorado. We have SEASONS! Even in the summer I get irritated with people that insist on wearing them every second of the day. "But it's 80 degrees!" I don't care- this isn't a boardwalk, dickhead.

Why did this bitch in the mall even have her flip flops accessible? We've already had like 2 blizzards! What the fuck is the matter with you?

I think she's trying to advertise that she has sunk lower than people who leave the house in sweat suits. Those that have given up on trying to look presentable.

Flip flop douchebags actually have to put effort into specifically wearing flip flops and then dealing with frostbite throughout the day. There are other shoes that are just as easy to put on (like my gunpowder merrills!) that are WARM!!!

I'm hoping that this is part of some kind of scientific study. Like ear tags on bears or tranceivers on shark fins - the flip flop is science's way of tracking and observing the complete fool with ease. You hear some asshole falpping down the street. Be very quiet. Lets see what it does. "ooooh look! it's going into a 7eleven. Five bucks says it comes out with a slurpee and tromps through the snow back to its cave."

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