Saturday, February 6, 2010

Unisom Haze

My new favorite thing in the world is over the counter sleeping pills.

I've always been something of an insomniac and a night owl. My mind just wont shut off at night.

Several weeks ago I was hit with the flu. (Plague.)
I hit the point where I could no longer rely on vitamins and holistic measures and I had to drag myself to the grocery store (leaving a trail of mucous behind me) for some cold medicine.

I've also always had an issue with cold medicine. It makes me strung out. I'm talking crawling out of my skin, meth addict crazy. So, in tandem with my cold medicine, I purchased some Unisom. (Benadryl)

I found that not only do I sleep, but I'm not as big of a douche the next day!

So what if I need to be jolted out of bed - I've gotten more shut eye in the past week than I did in 2009.

I am mildly concerned about non-physical side affects...

Like my level of trashiness.

This is me showing Matt what I learned from The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe. I'm using my bug squad sheriff's badge from the Butterfly Pavilion to pierce my Unisom capsule. It works faster that way! Oh Marilyn Monroe - should I be taking drug use advice from you? Yes. Yes, I should. It's Unisom - not nembutol.

My bigger concern: while I'm waiting to be knocked out my brain goes through an amusing little jog through mental neighborhoods I normally wouldn't venture.

Examples of what Chad does in the hour between taking sleeping pill and actually sleeping:

1. Alienate myself from neighbors by practicing my German. My voice tends to carry. It also tends to be slightly high pitched and nasal. I'm pretty sure that my neighbors think I'm watching "Beautician and the Beast" in German. God. Is that Fran Drescher? Why does she keep saying "Der frau isst einen apfel"?

2. Internet shopping. D0 I need to bid on a copy of "The Ugly Dachshund" on DVD from eBay? It's $2! Can I afford NOT to?!?! I need to start hiding my wallet.

3. Out of the ordinary grooming. Why, hello shaved chest!

I need to start hiding my razor in the same place as my wallet.


  1. You missed number 4... text Zahra repeatedly asking her to bring you doritos, and claim that you will die without them.

    Thank goodness, now I can just blame it on the sleeping pill combo... great... I just brought up combos....

    I am currently trying to see how much it will cost to have a truck load of doritos and combos delivered to your place.....

  2. Please. I'm completely lucid when I merely request tasty sodium coated snacks!
    When I text message you in the middle of the night and ask you to bring me a lawn chair and some douche - you'll know I'm chasing the Unisom dragon.