Friday, January 29, 2010

Crisis Averted

My building was built in 1928.

In 1928 people had style.

Hardwood floors. Solid doors. Cast iron radiators and bathtubs.

What people in 1928 apparently didn't have are A) More than two possessions that need to be plugged in and B) shit.

I've filled 4 closets already. I've crammed most of my DVDs into those book things. My next major hurdle? Books. I'm like the Library of Congress.

Not just books either - magazines, newspaper articles, notebooks crammed FULL with notes that I don't even remember making. (I took Ancient Art History?)(I couldn't even tell you who Pliny was - but I wrote a 25 page paper titled "Plato, Pliny, and Mimesis". Hmmmm.)

I need bookcases and shelves and I need them fast before a nosy neighbor turns me in and I find myself on the next episode of Hoarders.

Shelves? Check.
Brackets? Check.
Screws and anchors? Check and check.
Drill? . . . crap.

So I schlepped across town to retrieve my drill from my garage that I have retained because I also have a lot of tools and car parts. (I'm slowly visualizing myself on Hoarders right now trying in vain to convince everyone that I'm not one of those people.)

All the way back to my apartment.

Drill? Check!

Drill battery is dead. Muther F - - - - -! I didn't bring another battery or even the charger. Good thing I'm resourceful! I hold the drill where I want it and instead of pressing the trigger I turn the chuck manually. Just like my ancestors did! I told you - resourceful! (Okay, a bit lazy - but mostly resourceful)

My brackets aren't centered exactly where they should be, but there's a brick wall that I'm not going to deal with - so it's good enough.

Now - you may already know that I just finished reading a book about terrible inventions. One of the later chapters was about lead additives. As I'm stirring up all of this plaster and 80 years worth of paint I remember the "lead paint disclosure" I had to sign along with my lease. Crap. What's that funny taste in my mouth? Oh, yeah. Quiznos. But there's something else . . . is that the taste of a slow forming mental cloudiness?

Quick! Is there any way that lead poisoning can ruin my weekend? What are the symptoms? Hyperactivity, clouded judgement, and trouble focusing? Well I'm already there! Woo hoo. Take that lead! I'm immune to you! I could probably rip a chunk of this wall off right now and eat it like hand fruit and no one would ever notice.

AND! Now I have some shelves.

Crisis averted.


  1. I too have been struggling with my book crisis. I live at my parent's house in a 10x10 room. I've managed to fit 4 bookcases and three shelves in my room (not including the shelf installed in my closet). Every single one of them is filled with books (two of the cases have rows of books 2 deep). And still, there were (until recently) 6 stacks of books sitting on my floor in front of one of the larger bookcases. A wonderful invention: rolling under-the-bed compartments! Now I have 4 bookcases, 3 shelves, 1 shelf in my closet, and 2 rolling compartments filled with books. I've started investing in milk crates for the next Denver Public Library Book Sale (ONLY THE BEST EVENT EVER!).

    I think I have an issue...

  2. thanks for giving me the first laugh of the day! :o)